Today was a good day.
I threw on my oversized sweatshirt & sweats, threw my hair in a top knot, and headed down the stairs to wake up the boys. For once, they would have slept the whole day away if I let them. It's cold & windy today. The kind of weather that makes leaving the house sound like the ultimate chore for anyone. We all moved slow. It was a battle getting my oldest to change out of his footie pajamas into "real" clothes, and dressing Murray happens in stages. First the shirt, then the pants, and if we're lucky, a successful diaper change. But it all depends on if you can get him to sit still for just one second or if he gives you a solid ten. But we did successfully get everyone in the car and headed out for drop offs. Deep breath number one happens when I hit the front seat and the garage door opens.
When I got back to the house, I immediately make a coffee, and hunker down where the real work begins...in front of the computer, editing. I have 2-3 blankets within arms reach, and terrible posture as I sink into the couch. I'd love to say I binge watch some trash TV at the same time, but where we are in the boonies, the internet can only support either my computer or streaming, so you can guess which one wins. But silence is always welcome.
At 11:15, I started packing up for a newborn session. I grabbed a few blankets, baskets, and my camera gear, and headed out the door. It's been a long Fall, and burnout is a real thing. When you get into the habit of shooting multiple sessions a day, every day, for an extended period of time, you start to feel like you are on a hamster wheel. Things keep moving, and so do you, but a single mis-step could send you flying. Prompts, locations, & styling suggestions get re-used and recycled. Golden hour comes & goes, and another textbook beautiful back lit session results.
But today, today was different. Today was the official start of in-home season.
Every photographer has their "thing." What prompted them to pick up the camera in the first place. If you follow me on Facebook/Instagram, I've been clear about my "thing" for quite some time. But if you are new here, let me tell you about my thing.
I have a very contradictory personality. My anxiety is through the roof, but I'm as type B as type B gets. I don't mind a mess, lots of dinners around here are frozen, and spilt milk is nothing more than spilt milk. I baby my boys. If they fall, I kiss their oweys, and if they wake up in the middle of the night, I sleep by their side. Everything I do, I do with my heart. I use logic, and have lots of common sense, but I tend to ignore it. All logic has ever done for me is made me feel bad about what my heart wants. When I'm happy, I'm happy. And when I'm sad, I'm SAD. My biggest fears are things coming to an end, and I have always struggled when I sense the "last" of something coming near.
In comes photography. What if there were no lasts? What if the moment something stops happening organically, I could re-live it in its' entirety...with the same home, the same couch, the same light, and the same toothless smiles? What if I could close my eyes, imagining a moment, and open them to a photograph that looks exactly as I experienced it? That's my thing. I want to STOP TIME. A lot of photographers say that, but I mean it. I want you to look at your photos and FEEL. I want you to see little hands and remember their sticky chunky grasp. I want you to see running toddlers and hear their high pitched giggles. I want you to see the dust in the light coming through your window, and feel the warmth you once felt sitting in that window feeding your baby, while dad and your toddler burned off as much energy as they could outside.
I hear so many photographers say they prefer working in their studios as opposed to in-homes because there is more control. You can control the scene, the clutter, the colors, and the light. I understand this, 100%. Beautiful portraits are a combination of all of those things. When you photograph a session in-home, they will never be "technically" perfect. The light is harsh. The shadows are intense. Your photos will feel warmer, or cooler, or greener, depending on the paint on your walls. Kid's toys will be bright red and blue and pink and purple, and make lots of flashy noises. No wooden, aesthetic trains and sailboats around here.
But isn't that parenthood? A total, and complete, lack of control?
That....all of that...is my thing.
So if you're new here, welcome. I am a mess 90% of the time with no sense of how to do things the right way, but I think my little chaotic life is so beautiful. Even when my toddler calls me a poopy butt and my baby (now pretty much toddler #2), swats away his 3rd dinner of the night. And for those of you wondering if you're life is "too chaotic" or your house is "too small" or you should just "wait till we've updated the kitchen" or "wait till we're in our forever home". I'm telling you, none of it matters. YOUR LIFE, RIGHT NOW, is so incredibly photogenic. Catch the REAL moments, so you too can live in a world of no lasts.
Here are a few photos from one of my hardest "lasts" that I look back on often----the last few days in our little first home.
